I am sitting here, staring at a blank screen, looking at the dreaded curser that does not move. The words do not transcribe from my brain down to my fingertips and onto the keyboard. I find myself here often, frozen and unsure of how to pour my thoughts out of my mind and into words on a page.
My thoughts focus on a projected narrative of my message being perceived differently than intended. The fear of failure and not being accepted. I am faced with the realization that sometimes my perfectionism comes out when I want to share parts of myself with others.
The act of ‘putting yourself out there’ can be a challenging experience for many people as it plays into our vulnerabilities and fears. When the risk of not being accepted comes to the table, this can add to any perfectionistic tendencies we may have. For perfectionists, this can be extra challenging when the risk of not being accepted comes with it, and often what comes up next is procrastination and avoidance. Because if we do not begin, we can not be at risk of doing it wrong. Procrastination can be a little internal rebellion against getting things done perfectly or not at all.
By finding new and creative ways to justify not writing and not sharing with others, I know I can find adequate justification for my lack of writing. I am busy, like many of us out there, with many different things going on in my life - I have two businesses, my private practice (Soul Flow Therapy), and I am a co-owner of Tri-Cities Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. So who am I kidding? I have a ton of other things to focus on. But I am left at a disservice to myself as the thoughts are still in there and have not been shared. A study by Flett, G.L., Hewitt, P.L., and Martin, T.R. (1995) noted that there was a “role of perfectionistic standards in procrastination”. They state the “common belief about the nature of procrastination is that it stems from excessively high standard-setting behaviour” (p. 113).
So what is perfectionism? The Myriam Webster Dictionary online defines perfectionism simply as “ a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.” Perfectionism isn’t just having high standards, it is an unrealistic expectation or desire to be perfect. To not make any mistakes or have any perceived flaws. The Myriam Webster Dictionary online defines procrastination as an action “to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done”. So what we get is that to minimize making mistakes and trying to be ‘perfect’, procrastination can emerge to avoid the things we don’t want to do unless they are what we deem as ‘perfect’.
What I have come to realize is that I am not alone in this cycle - having an idea to share, wanting to connect, then the fear of failure steps in, leading to disconnection through procrastination. After many conversations with my husband, we came up with a plan. That I would share this ‘perfectionist who procrastinates ‘part of myself with the world. It is intimidating but surprisingly liberating to step forward into the unknown.
In therapy, we can explore what perfectionism means in your life and how it may relate to criticism, expectations, or uncertainty. Art-making can offer a way to notice what happens when we try something unfamiliar or leave something unfinished. We can approach that experience with curiosity, at a pace that feels manageable.
Sometimes I notice resistance and choose a smaller step. At other times, I pause. I am learning to respect that both can be part of the process.
Until next time,
Bethany
If procrastination or perfectionism has been holding you back from something that matters to you, therapy can help — not by fixing you, but by helping you understand the pattern. Book a free consultation and let's talk about it.
This post is for reflection and educational purposes. It is not a substitute for individual counselling, diagnosis, or medical advice.
%20(Square%20Cards).avif)
